Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your shirt... Was in my pants
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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