Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
