He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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