dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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