Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
