i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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