Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
