ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
