Who wears a wallet chain?!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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