i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
