So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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