Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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