just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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