ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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