Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
