I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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