Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
