I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
