Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
