Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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