I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
