I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
