You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's blow job season.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize