I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
