I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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