Her vagina should come with caution tape.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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