i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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