Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
