i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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