My nipple is on Facebook.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Damn victory sex feels great
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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