: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
