Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i out mim tonsoeep
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
