from now on my penis is your penis
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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