Im at strip club and am horny
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
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she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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