if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
