i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
