my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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