i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
