i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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