Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
