when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
