Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
