true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
