Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
