Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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