oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my being single is dangerous.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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