wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
We got so high we made milksteak
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
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If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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