Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
