Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
