I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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