And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
