Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
