it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
