Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
