I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
and she was petting her beer can
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
