p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
