ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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