and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
