The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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