...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
