Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
