Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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