Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
